Cheating is not ok

The family is ordained of God. Marriage between man and woman is essential to His eternal plan. Children are entitled to birth within the bonds of matrimony, and to be reared by a father and a mother who honor marital vows with complete fidelity. … We warn that individuals who violate covenants of chastity, who abuse spouse or offspring, or who fail to fulfill family responsibilities will one day stand accountable before God.”

The Family: A Proclamation to the World, Ensign, Nov. 1995, 102.

We are privileged to have the Family Proclamation to read daily as Latter Day Saints. Infidelity happens even in those who are sealed for time and eternity in the temple. We are all human no one is perfect however we should never get ourselves in a situation that could jeopardize our relationships with our spouse or make them feel as if we don't treasure the relationship we have or don't trust them with our hearts and feelings. I took away from the readings this week that we may find ourselves in a situation that to us seem ok but to our spouse they see us pulling away even when we mean no harm or physical intimacy with a co-worker. Emotional infidelity is just as bad as physical. Even though you aren't physically in a relationship with the other person you are sharing your dreams, hopes, and life with them emotionally as you should be sharing with your spouse. Communication is key and we should always keep an open communication with our spouse so that we don't find ourselves going down a road of emotionally cheating on our spouse.





 

Follow your Dreams

Everyone as a child growing up had a dream. A dream to be a teacher, a mother, an author, and actor/actress. The list could go on and on. My children have dreams. My 9 year old son wants to play hockey in the NHL for the Carolina Hurricanes and my daughter wants to be an actress on the Disney Channel. The odds of these dreams happening are slim but as their mother I can only hope they follow their desires and strive to do the best they can.

When they get married their dreams will still be there and I'm sure they will be changed a million times over before they reach the age of marriage but when they enter their marriage they will be combining their dreams with their spouse and that is when they will have to figure out how to achieve their own dreams while being emotionally and physically and even financially supportive of their spouses dreams.

I think of my own marriage often while reading these chapters in this book. My husband I joking say that at the age of 36 he just doesn't know what he wants to be when he grows up but I support him in all his continuing education desires and job changes. However I finally expressed my desire to finish my degree and that I didn't feel it fair to our children for us both to be in school full time and at that point when I brought it up about me starting school again I just felt it was time but needed his support and help around the house if I was going to resume with classes to finish the degree I started 12 years ago.

When in a relationship you need to hear each other out. Dreams aren't meant to be squashed but they may require years in the waiting if your spouse is pursuing their dreams. G0ttman stated that just because you support your spouse dream doesn't mean that you believe that dream can or should be realized it just means you are honoring your partner's dreams which then benefits your marriage.

We all need to acknowledge and respect our spouses dreams and desires and their personal hopes and that is key to enriching our marriages. I am so thankful for my husbands faith in me to finish my degree and helping me out even though he is in school and working full time himself but he is never negative or expecting a lot out of me while I'm in school. The house may look a bit crazy at times but he is understanding and even vacuums and mops more now than he ever has in our entire 13 years of marriage.

In the end we need to make sure we can be a listener of our spouses dreams. We need to say thank you in times when they support us or help us out achieving our dreams or even just the fact that they listened and understood your hopes. Count your blessings and especially thank your spouse for their support and love.

Solving Problems

Resolving Problems that are Solvable.

Tips to Solve problems in your marriage that are solvable. As laid out in Gottman’s Book

Step 1: Soften your start-up
Step 2: Learn to make and receive repair attempts
Step 3: Soothe yourself and each other
Step 4: Compromise
Step 5: Process any grievances so that they don’t linger

Interesting fact that 40 percent of the time do couples divorce because they are having frequent, devastating fights. They usually end to avoid each other where the then end their friendship and sense of connection are lost.  These steps above help you be able to solve problems so that you and your spouse can work through things that are important to you and by doing so in a way that you don’t disconnect.

The step I want to touch on is Step 4: Compromise. Compromising in a relationship is key in my opinion. You don’t have to both agree but you both have to agree to disagree or even agree to do it or change something even if it isn’t what you wanted in the first place but since it will make your partner happy then in the long rum it is ok.

I get very annoyed in my relationship fast but I know my husband just means well when he says: “whatever you want to do” or “whatever you say” or “Whatever works for me if you are happy.” These phrases are his way of comprising and I see it as him not being able to ever get his way because he is just focused on making sure I am happy and I am getting things done the way I want. This is the frustrating part to me. I want to know what he wants and what he wants to do or how he wants to do things.

This made me think do men give up way more than what they should for their woman to be happy? Or do we as women give up for our husband to be happy?  I took it a step further than my thinking and asked my husband and his reply was priceless. He informed me that sometimes he really doesn’t care how the curtains are hung and what color. I then asked him what about when we are discussing questions like for example, when to have a baby or when to make a big purchase and he said that is when he doesn't give his generic replies of "whatever you want "because he does care and I am thankful that  we do have the ability to communicate effectively when discussing big changes in our lives and we can comprise when we relay have to. We work together and find common ground, yes we can drive each other crazy but we wouldn’t want life any other way.