Solving Problems

Resolving Problems that are Solvable.

Tips to Solve problems in your marriage that are solvable. As laid out in Gottman’s Book

Step 1: Soften your start-up
Step 2: Learn to make and receive repair attempts
Step 3: Soothe yourself and each other
Step 4: Compromise
Step 5: Process any grievances so that they don’t linger

Interesting fact that 40 percent of the time do couples divorce because they are having frequent, devastating fights. They usually end to avoid each other where the then end their friendship and sense of connection are lost.  These steps above help you be able to solve problems so that you and your spouse can work through things that are important to you and by doing so in a way that you don’t disconnect.

The step I want to touch on is Step 4: Compromise. Compromising in a relationship is key in my opinion. You don’t have to both agree but you both have to agree to disagree or even agree to do it or change something even if it isn’t what you wanted in the first place but since it will make your partner happy then in the long rum it is ok.

I get very annoyed in my relationship fast but I know my husband just means well when he says: “whatever you want to do” or “whatever you say” or “Whatever works for me if you are happy.” These phrases are his way of comprising and I see it as him not being able to ever get his way because he is just focused on making sure I am happy and I am getting things done the way I want. This is the frustrating part to me. I want to know what he wants and what he wants to do or how he wants to do things.

This made me think do men give up way more than what they should for their woman to be happy? Or do we as women give up for our husband to be happy?  I took it a step further than my thinking and asked my husband and his reply was priceless. He informed me that sometimes he really doesn’t care how the curtains are hung and what color. I then asked him what about when we are discussing questions like for example, when to have a baby or when to make a big purchase and he said that is when he doesn't give his generic replies of "whatever you want "because he does care and I am thankful that  we do have the ability to communicate effectively when discussing big changes in our lives and we can comprise when we relay have to. We work together and find common ground, yes we can drive each other crazy but we wouldn’t want life any other way.