Merging Families

This week I wish I had read the readings before I got married 12 years ago. There was a lot of useful information and a lot I wish my husband had been educated on. I liked  what James Harper said that in Genesis 2:24 we read "Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave until his wife: and they shall be one flesh." that this scripture doesn't mean abandon your family but it means to establish your own family and keep your mother rand father as the support and encouragement they should be after you gain a spouse.

Many in-laws are great. I always hear about in-laws that help and support the marriages and mind their own business and only help or give advice when asked. Then I have my own situation where my mother in law at my own wedding reception decided to make it about her and "losing" her son, where she proceeded to sing a song and read some poems she wrote about her son! My friends to this day don't let a year go by without reminding me about that situation that we can now laugh about but at the moment I wasn't laughing.

Things I have learned over my 12 years of marriage is how to be a mother in law by learning things not to do as mine did! I am very patient and respectful of the fact that she is my husband's mother but being that we are a military family she constantly cries that her son left her and moved away and no longer is around for her.

In-laws are important but there does need to be boundaries as each family should have their own traditions and each spouse should want to turn to each other for support and advice. Thankfully my husband has over time expressed that his family and we have established our won holiday traditions and birthday celebrations while incorporating both sides of the families.

Merging families isn't easy but they are worth keeping around!

Couple Council

When thinking about couple council this can be formal or not informal. It is a time you can set aside with your spouse to talk about issues that maybe couldn't be talked about due to the event a situation happened at or infront of people you wished to not discuss the issues infront of.

My husband and I find ourselves not able to finish some conversations because our children are around. This is when a couple council would benefit us. We can take time to come back together and take time to give the issue or conversation the attention it needs.

Elder Ballard in his "Counseling With Your Councils" excerpt we read this week he gave very important instructions in how to hold councils and these should apply to couples. We should have an agenda. Even if its just a verbal one. Just express what each want to discuss and give each others concerns the attention they should get.  Praying is always a must. When you ask the spirit to dwell wihtin your meeting you may feel peace and comfort as you discuss topics that may be difficult to dicuss with the person you love the most.

When in a relationship communication is very important. Being able to respect what each other is saying and have to say is a must. When we are united together we do not fall.  My husband and mine's favorite movie is "The Break up" and our favorite scene is when the girl in the relationship asked for lemons and her boyfriend only brought back 3 yet she asked for 12. He tried to make her think that 3 were ok but she was trying to prove a point that she asked for 12 she needed 12 for her centerpiece. We laugh at this scene because he was being selfish and was in a hurry and didn't think about her wants. We know refer to this scene if we are in a "tiff" or need a goo laugh because laughter is great. I always reply to him if we have a disagreement "baby wanted 12 lemons" and that can stop our anger and make us smile! It's great to have a fall back on to refocus our love.



Baby wanted 12 lemons